Thinking over my do’s and don’ts. Thinking over my likes and dislikes.
The idea of ruined orgasm is becoming increasingly appealing to me. Maybe it’s just because of the matter of whose orgasms I want to ruin. Would I like it done to me? Not one bit. Perhaps for me it’s a form of punishment… a form of indirect control… a form of power play or maybe revenge. It’s not exactly a healthy thing to do.
I know that BDSM is about the safe, sane, and consensual. To ruin someone’s orgasm without them knowing it was coming… that’s a bit foul. But somehow I’m also drawn to it. I wonder why.
Then I think back to the look on the face of the mouse the first time I ruined one of his… albeit unintentionally. Maybe that’s what woke up the desire in me. Maybe that’s what planted the seed. Either way, now I want to do that to him… cause him to get that agonized look and that feeling of frustration to fill him. (True, I’m a little upset at him but the urge is strongest in this kind of case.)
Maybe, just maybe, I have a mean streak and just need to learn how to harness it… how to refine it into an art. Like sex, being a good dom takes practice. Being a good top takes time. The desire to make such a pretty face fall… maybe that’s not very good – but it feels delicious to me. It’s intoxicating, addictive, and after only one “hit” of that drug – I’m hungry for the next.