I feel it deep within me… this kind of grumble… a kind of prowling feeling with the want to extend my claws… sink in my teeth…
I feel it deep within me and wonder if it’s a 2nd Chakra thing (I did some self “work” last night with a carnelian egg… and whenever I do – I get this feeling afterwards).
I wonder if it’s because Mr. L is back in town.
For those who do not know – he is a close as I am to a friend from college or a friend from out of town. We worked together for a while during a time we were both seeing other people. We always had smiles between us and I think also some degree of sexual tension. I crushed on him HARD and I’m pretty sure that showed too. So he told me last night that he’s in town for some fraternity affair and I can’t help but feel that old flutter bubble up again… I have that “secret smile” again… and I remember how he told me once upon a time that I was a bit intense. Maybe I was. Maybe I just didn’t know what in the world to do with myself around him… or forgot what good boundaries were.
My boundaries were kind of a wreck at the time and I think it would be clear to say that I was going through a bit of a big change in myself and my world views. Rather, a change in my approach to the world outside my body.
I dressed up a little bit, even though I know he might not come by at all. I put on a little lipstick and foundation, even though I know I might get “ditched” . But the whole thing was about getting a bit sexy for work. That’s all. He mentioned perhaps coming by for lunch and I don’t think he’ll follow through, but even so I got a little dolled. I expect nothing… but yet… I put on the soft teal smoked out eyeshadow and a bit of shimmer. My lips are chocolate… and I have a sore throat. I expect very little but it would be nice to hear something from him or see him again at some point.
It would be nice.
There’s something about that guy that makes me melt a little inside. Something about the way he smells and stands that makes me boil in the blood. Something about his confidence and attitude and just plain dorkyness that makes me want to scream. His scent, as some woman I respect and adore once said, makes something in my mind snap “Ungabunga!” And I squeal a little in primitive delight. I could run my nose along the inside of his arms and smell him all day. There’s the fact that I’ve made him drip precum through his underwear and a pair of jeans. THAT in itself turns me on and brings up my pervert smile. (That’s one of my favorite things, after all.)
I think of fire.