I’m in the mood for some deep, painful, catharsis inducing play. The kind of play that’s so intense that I can’t even fairly call it play… but it still is. I want to get in my skin… have the tears beat out of me because I’m too proud or too stubborn to let them out on my own. I want to open up and unravel. The question then becomes who to share this with.
There’s only so much you can do by yourself even with going into a meditative, trance state. There’s only so far one can go without a guide. Perhaps it’s possible to go farther than I think and I’m just scared to go alone… or that I know that I need someone to reel me in now and then to make sure I haven’t passed out or fallen asleep.
I can fall into a fantasy with the right stimuli but I can get jerked out rather abruptly as well. Maybe a “playmate” just to help keep the scene going and enjoyment flowing.
It could be a basic incompatibility nagging at me… a love for lingerie that isn’t shared… or similarly a love for lots of foreplay.