Devouring Pain

It's possible that while I fuss and complain over lingering aches (frequently hamming it up), I just gobble up erotic pain in a scene. That's what I think, at the very least.

Right now, my body is wracked with ache that lays somewhere between sweetness and that which would annoy. I purchased a paddle and a cat o' nine tails ("-1", because it's missing a flagella). My shoulders feel a little sore from him holding (not choking) me from behind, as well as my neck muscles. The back of my thighs and hips ache from possibly a combination of my back-thrust and the beating. I am groggy and am in between...

It felt like it took long enough, but I got my spanking last night. It ended prematurely, however, and I floated about with a mixture of pout, unfulfillment, and light gratitude. It doesn't happen often. He feels too self conscious to do it often and worries about being heard. I love the feeling. I don't care about being heard even though in "consideration" I stifle my moans. I bratted. I mocked trying to escape in an attempt to draw him into it a bit more. I hid the paddle behind my back as I sat "giggling" all the way. And he seemed to enjoy it all until I let it slip that I heard a door close.

He closed himself then.  I'm not sure how much he listened when I told him to look into how to properly hold some items. He whipped himself with "-1" with almost every strike he gave. Then again, he seemed much less into it at that point. I told him to use it because it was quieter but it made me want to scream.

So worried about "hurting" me... though I wanted to be hurt. So worried about being heard though there's nobody in that house who isn't into a degree of kink.

I need a gentle domme with a slight sadistic twist. I need someone to match me. I need/want someone I can spar with on an emotional, physical, and kinky level. The tricky part is finding such a person and having the trust there. The tricky part is finding anyone of this type that CAN be trusted.

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