There’s a part of me that I’ve been neglecting and this past weekend (though extremely tame) cemented that feeling. My sense of kink hasn’t been nurtured. It’s true, I’m still a little “scared” of encountering new people (though I warm up easier if there’s a familiar face or three about.) Just the presence of a few trusted persons am I able to let go and be.
I’ve always been a gentle domme switch who only submits only to certain people. There’s still a lot for me to learn and while I read just about anything I can get my hands on regarding BDSM, I don’t have many opportunities to explore that aspect of my personality. My style is slow, subtle seduction on the way to the bedroom (or whatever room). I love the twisting smoke of temptation. Perhaps, I also have a tendency to top from the bottom. I direct what I like and how I like it. (The mouse and I tend to be a bit fluid in this aspect, or at least claim to be. He still isn’t able to keep up with me and maybe there’s the rub.)
The spiritual side of me is in a bit of conflict with the part of me that is into hypnosis and erotic mind control. These are things that entice my interests but I also keep in mind the ethical aspects of it. I know hypnosis can’t force someone do something they don’t want to, however, it can plant suggestions in mind which can be harmful. Consent is also a major issue for me. While I have an interest in sex magick, I’d be reluctant to do any spells or rituals. Perhaps, it’s my belief that they work mostly with the power of intent as hypnosis does. Perhaps there’s no connection at all.
I’ve started browsing about Fetlife and the more I do, the more I consider that I might like to be in a more full time D/S relationship. Then again, it could be my issues with jealousy and possessiveness rearing heads. Considering the way my mate reacted to the idea of “strict” games, I don’t know how well it would turn out. Then again, it could have just been the nature of our relationship at the time.