Somewhere Between Self-Expression and Self Mutilation

I’ve been considering reopening my ear piercings and getting some new “holes installed”. My body is prone to keloids. Getting a new piercing would likely result in keloids. This, I do not like.

I don’t there has been a time that I haven’t thought about getting my nipples, labia, or clit pierced. I like the look of slightly gauged tunnels and thick, flat studs. I enjoy a subtle shine and shimmer. Then I discovered that I keloid. From a simple ear piercing I had a growth removed twice. I discovered induced lactation. Piercings can interfere with that.

And then my mind plays with the idea of play piercing. It’s not as messy or bloody as knife play. Nope, not as much risk of slicing open a vein if you’re only gently pricking the surface of the skin… And, then I question, “why?”… I don’t like getting needle sticks at all! When I think of it SERIOUSLY, I recoil in a sort of “Oh NO!” and retreat. I don’t like needles. I like the look of some healed piercings. But I don’t like needles.
So am I thinking of sticking implements into my flesh because of depression run rampant or anger? Is this just another phase of self destruction like my first “serious” boyfriend? Am I just feeling rebellious and outlandish?

I think it may be time for some more soul searching. I’m not so impulsive as to do such exciting things as chop off my hair or get a tattoo.