Looking for Fireworks

I borrowed my friend's husky for a 4.5 mile walk last night. It was in the mid 90's in regards to temperature and I think that I may have tired the pup out... (or he was just as hot as I was by the time I got back). I may have needed the walk as much as he did. While I asked the mouse to come along with me, I'm kind glad he didn't. A dog doesn't complain about a nice walk/run. A dog doesn't fuss because there are "too many bugs." True, they let you know in their own way when they've had enough but usually they're happy for the run.

Looking for fireworks helped me clear my head.
There weren't many but I was fine with that. I needed the air. I needed the space.

I've been feeling rather asexual lately (along with a bit unsexy and a tad antisocial.) The mouse looks as good as he ever did but I don't feel attracted to him. Maybe, it's a bit of reevaluating my emotions but right now not feeling very in love with him either. There's a bit of attachment still there and it's possible it's all the aftermath of an argument that hasn't completely faded away.

This is not the sex life I wanted.
This is not the sex life I want.
This is not the sex life I want to continue to have.

Maybe it was a little bit of wanting some closeness... It's possible it was also seeing if I could excite myself into the moment. It all ended up being a rather "fake" and unstimulating threeway. Quite a jump, right? The guys seemed to certainly enjoy themselves, however. I feel a little antsy and more unwilling to have any form of sexual intercourse with my mate now. Something about how he carries himself gives off the vibe of being an opportunist only there for the moment.

"This is what you wanted, wasn't it?" "You liked it, didn't you?" "You didn't do it half hearted, did you?"
And me the liar.

A rub… being discovered in the act and the mutual friend of ours cuddling into the moment... The mouse put me on the spot saying that I didn't feel attractive lately. As if the approval of someone else is enough to make one feel better or more attractive. It was almost enough to make me want to stop. "She's crazy." Right... something to say to someone sucking your dick. Something to say because you're too shy to say what you want on your own... I paused and the friend dozed for a moment. Only a moment passed and then they gently started nudging their genitals in my line of sight and hand as I kept sucking off my boyfriend. I pet to the leg... a rub... a nudge... I put my hand over with a pause without touching and he pressed against my palm. And then the boredom on my part started. They certainly seemed to enjoy it. They both orgasmed rather quickly. The mouse was calling me almost with pleading by a pet name as I made him twitch. The friend under a blush and gasp while sucking my breasts idly and being worked on my mouse.

I'm sure it sounded hot - but it wasn't. It was the most pedestrian moment I've had in a while... and I hated it. For me it was almost painfully boring and totally unstimulating. This is what happens when your mind isn't in it.

I washed the sheets and pillow cases after all was done and the friend's underwear because they didn't have a spare pair with them.

Feeling less sexy than ever... and that's not a good thing.
Shutting down...