Reflecting the Almost Sleepless Night

When I cried, I lied.
It feels that way. As I heard you sob, choking down your tears and sounding desperate, it was as if you were trying to cling to me with your words. Then I felt like I was lying to you. I felt that the most honest I’d been all night was to say that the love from me was dying. I said “I love you” to stop the tears and I wonder if you heard the hesitation in my voice.
When I cried, I lied…
I’ve been questioning everything lately, if my first yes was just so I wouldn’t be alone… if I’m settling… if the feelings I thought were so deep were ever true and if your words and actions are killing them.
I told you I felt numb from all the fighting… all the arguing… and you apologized for making me feel that way. You said you wished your love was enough for win me.
All I wanted was for you to do a little more… to try a little harder… to no be complacent with my presence or treat me as someone to hold… a warm body.
I do know that I don’t want things between us to end badly. I don’t want it to end like this.
Maybe, we’ll be able to sit down in the open air and be able to talk this out. Maybe we just need to reconnect from the most basic part of our relationship.

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