It could just be a case of the "surreal" from a lack of sleep over the past few days... or maybe just the feeling of a change... Things don't feel quite right anymore at a certain house. I feel a little as if I'm tempting drama by even considering it... but things don't feel right...
If I never mentioned it before, my current crush happens to be the ex-boyfriend of a friend... a long term boyfriend gone ex. I feel incredibly selfish for even considering it. At the same time I know it's the fact that I'm sexually attracted to this guy and very much horny. I'm learning new things and I'm wanting to try them out. I'm wanting to feel.
It's possible I'm still in a strong state of longing. It's possible I'm just in a sustained level of yearning.
They say a closed mouth doesn't get fed. Something I need to work on then is the matter of simply asking. I need to learn to ask for what I want. While I still would love to be in an ANR... I have a slight leaning towards breast and nipple torture ... (pinching and pulling only) . I could invest in another breast pump for the price I spend on a sex toy... My hands tend to hurt a lot after using a manual. Then again, I could just wait and see just how dedicated I am. Will marmet massage or will I forget about it all. If I can't stick to that - then why buy a pump?
Things don't feel right and maybe it's just my perception of what home really is. I miss the people who I identified with it... I miss a person that I indirectly adopted as family. Maybe I always had but never understood just what it was. Maybe I never really appreciated it.