It's possible that I'm just taking things far more seriously than they need to be taken. It's also possible that I take myself far too seriously.

I sent a message out to the crush and felt a little odd for doing so. I was civil. I was to some degree well-behaved. He ended the conversation with a note later on that he was happy to hear from me.  Hearing such a thing made me strangely happy...

Hearing such a thing twisted my heart in knots. It is possible I've just "fallen" hard while completely aware of the things the mingle with it. I'm convinced it wouldn't work out in the long run in terms of a "relationship" ... but if it was just to be close... if it was just to be physical... there is no such thing with me. To be physical is to be emotional.

It feels like I've been punched... and part of me wants that thudding pressure again... part of me wants to relax in that sort of thing and be bruised. I want my legs to not work properly again and to smile because of the soreness. It's not going to happen and I'm aware that the crush is a submissive at heart. 

While they could be called affectionate, or loving, or even appreciative - they hit me with a dull thud of the variety I'm not fond of - those words...

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