Of Trust

I mentioned the want to be “milky” again to my boyfriend a few weeks ago. He said he wasn’t running for the hills but he felt he wouldn’t be able to enjoy my breasts if I was full. He said plainly that if it was something I wanted he wouldn’t go against it – but that he’d be less eager to suckle me in that state and that I’d “have to find someone” to suckle me dry… even though I’ve mentioned so many times I wouldn’t want to share my breasts with just anybody.
He hasn’t gone near my breasts since.

“It’s quite a shitty position I’ve put you in, isn’t it?” “It’s not an appealing thought…”

Of course, I can’t completely relax with words like that. For as much as I put up a face of “Oh, it’s okay” it hurt and I felt as if I was a /freak/ for wanting something so simple… so natural…

Maybe I’ve taken twenty steps back because of this. I haven’t been able to massage my breasts without feeling dirty or hearing some of his words… imagining his disgust. Just that easily it was able to hurt my image… my sensual self. Maybe that’s where I grew a little isolated from myself.

It’s possible I no longer fully trust him with that part of me – and for that, it has managed to lock itself away. In inducing lactation and having an ANR, trust is a major matter. I know this. If there’s any anger, any ill feelings, the milk won’t flow. We can be such selfish creatures while trying to be giving.

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